me and myself

romantics with a touch of realism.......

2006-09-03T07:13:00.000+05:30

Small little beautiful petals,covered with pecks of dew,
Dew all over the flowers and grass, looking so very realistic and true,
Dawn breaking, the half-dead coming to life, everything coming to life, giving you a feeling of being refreshed and new,
The nature being reborn, looking explicitly beautiful, leaving you amazed, absolutely out of words and clue...

The meaning of life, it’s every depth being embossed,
“Is this what our life’s meant for?” One question unasked...

The pitter-patter rain drops, sliding by the green leaves,
The numerous unseen colours of the secretive life, revealed,
The height of the greatness of its charisma, unleashed,
The adventure in store, ‘O my god!’ Just like a dream...

The meaning of life, every depth of it being embossed,
"Is this what our life’s meant for?" One question unasked...

With small drops of soft water, falling over you,
With the fragrance of the numerous lovely flowers, enthralling you,
The sound of the murmuring rivulets, mesmerizing you,
The sight of the softness of the night, taking the breath out of you...

The meaning of life, it’s every depth being embossed,
"Is this what our life’s meant for?" One question unasked...

The flashes of lightning, almost seemingly flying like a kite,
The speedy winds expressing its wild beauty and showing you what is right,
The gigantic robust waves, simply showing you all it’s might,
Even the harsh elements of nature, showing that superbly hidden grace, making it look like a bride...

The meaning of life, it’s every depth being embossed,
"Is this what our life’s meant for?" One question unasked...

The answer lies not in beauty, nor the magical spells of life,
For it’s not only the charisma we get to feel, realize and live, but also the harshness of the catastrophic life,
The negativism of nature almost nothing in front of the humans’ ghastly negative strife,
Where optimism, love and true feelings are consistently being suppressed by the jealous ambitions rising like a tide,
No time is there for humans to pause from hatred to glimpse and appreciate this beauty so natural yet so wild,
Human mind more occupied with hatred and disgust has no time to think over the real meaning of life,
No time to give to this feeling of explicit romance,
No time to enjoy the lovely feeling passing with the pace that of light,
Questions like fore`men`tioned have lost it’s meaning bright,
Have lost all the glitter they deserve because of evolving times,
T’is but useless to ponder over the extreme beauty of life,
And with this we get the answer that’ this is not what we think is life.’

But human mind, supposedly so curious and bright,
Almost compulsively moves a step ahead lacking the divine sight,
And finally rests with one question continuously puzzling the human sight and might,
And that is...

After all, if experiencing lifes'beauty is not what we think is life, as we’ve already explained,then “What, for the sake of love is this goddamned life???”

Written by...-.Priya Dubey[meeeeee…]

pappu pass ho gaya..........female version...!!!!!!

2006-05-21T08:04:00.000+05:30

Ha.....I wanted to write about my music exams, but i guess i'll have to wait for some time because things of greater importance are ready to be given prime media coverage!!!Yes my results were out and as assumed the calls have been pouring in as if i just agreed to marry some Multi Zillionaire.......!!!!!!Life sucks big time.

Ok.So my results were out.I did fairly well scoring 86% but i must admit i got less than what i expected....So what's so new about it?Even i don't know, but something inside me made me feel disappointed.But then it's ok.... I got what i deserved... moreover i hadn't studied as much intensely as i should have had,infact i didn't study at all ;) ....and then the panicky mind of mine and...........well there are tonnes of excuses for every thing ,and going with them wouldn't do me any good.So i have stopped thinking about that and have started to think about my future.I am not very good at keeping promises so i wont promise, but i do have a strong feeling that i'll pour in all my attention this time...."cross ur fingers."

Lets see what i have in store for me!

But yes, i was quite disappointed and pretty depressed over the state of matters.Attending those calls had become a punishment kind of thing.....To be true i would have preferred running off with a boy.....but they say you never get what you want at times.Even i didn't get an emergency boyfriend to run away with!!!!!! And then again,things weren't all that difficult as it seemed .I was the one making things difficult.

My parents supported me completely.Had it not been my parents support, i would have broken down emotionally....There were lots of reasons behind this.My expectations,and so many other things.Boy.........the past one week had been very difficult for me......both mentally and emotionally.......my music exams,the results,freinds and family......THOSE CALLS{arey door ke rishtedaars ke calls}....My parents supported me completely..... else i don't have any clue what would have had been of me.

Then though i was over from the thinking part, my emotional part wasn't satisfied......it still felt dejected,and empty.....and so who came to my rescue???..........guess guess..............failed.......u guys are craps......my siblings.......The weather was pretty cool day before yesterday.And as soon as it was evening,the winds increased their speed of flow....then slowly it started to drizzle......that was around 8:00 pm....Round about at 8:30.we were out in the balcony enjoying the strong winds,the smell of rain and looking at the trees turning greener every passing second.....It was quite a relieving weather.......lovely ..... beautiful....awesome...Then my kid brother suggested us to go to our terrace...The three of us went to experience nature at it's fullest ....Everything was so natural...We took a towel each instead of the raincoats to protect us from the pelting rain....

And what do you expect....i don't remember the last time i enjoyed the rain....but that day i was deliberately made to enjoy it...The three of us played in the rain for a couple of hours.....and to be true we could have continued that for long.....had our neighbours stopped staring at us....and had my grand ma stopped screaming at us....

Back from the terrace, we enjoyed the rain in our balcony, but then had to rush from there in just a few minutes coz my grand ma was getting real angry.........So after a game of about a little more than a couple of hours in the rain we were back in dry clothes....What next???
We couldn't stop there....just as we had started to enjoy the situation..... so ,........ music...... loud volume.........dance.....and food........how could we forget that.......

We continued the music, dance and the 'society-waalon-ko-pareshaan-karne-kaa-act' for a pretty long time that night.........In fact we continued it till early morning....My siblings are having their vacations, so there wasn't any fear of waking them early next morning........as a result of which we enjoyed a real lot......and then ....... i don't know when.....but after some time i realised both of them had gone off to sleep on my lap..........That was very sweet........Like a sensible sister i let them sleep there and somehow adjusting myself in a difficult pose even i dozed off............
Fortunately for me they woke up after a while and went back to their respective beds......!I did the switching off of the lights and all that work and the trio of us enjoyed a comfortable sleep...........

and the next day

*snnneeeezzeeeee**snezeeeeeeeee*

Yeah ...this was the condition.....I had a little fever....and my siblings were too busy sneezing.well come on ,"yeh sab toh hote hi rehta hai".

But i still say, that night was awesome,too good for words.The "results kya hua?" ceremony is still continuing, but i really don't give a damn now.........it's the results today.......it'll be the "what career do you wish to pursue in future?" tomorrow...

People will have something or the other in store for you always,it depends on you, how much importance you give to them...It's on you, how you take in their words .....It depends on your attitude.....and to be true .....i don't bother about people now....my result is a done thing .....I need to look ahead and think about my future..........Standing with the past is going to put me in a regrettably awry position.......So the best thing to do right now is to move ahead with time....Move ahead with ones' ownself ........ Move ahead with ones' mental growth.............We need to diversify our mental horizon and that's what i am intending to do right now......

And for people who wish to know what career am i wishing to pursue in future......i'll just say i am giving 'lice-picking' business a serious thought.....Ever thought of it.......it's a money minting profession ....... with ample scope till the time the very last human of the human species is going to survive!!!
Frankly speaking i am not up with a decision ,so give me some time and a break to think about it.......else you've got an idea of the kind of answer u'll get!!!

That's it for now............Life never stops when we think it has stopped....It stops when we stop thinking about the positive side of our lives ....So no matter how difficult things may seem ,to survive the hardships and expectations of ones own life....one just needs to look at the better side of ones ownself.........and live a better ,bright and a content life.

*ahem*......My philosophies are out on a leave.....Enjoying their holidays on mt. everest....away in isolation.....so don't expect philosophies any better than the ones i've already mentioned above.............the 'philos' of mine will be back......just give them a break for some time.....!!!have some patience you eager heads !!!.

So now.....thanx for reading whatever i blurted here......I gotta go and be ready to meet my ex-sir.....He 's gonna be here any minute to see my mark sheet....He was shocked to know i got exactly what i expected in maths ,and his only remark was.................".......................Priya.....no silly mistakes!!!!!!!!!!wahhhhh....waaaahhhh,i am coming to see your mark sheet"
Now....*cough cough*.....He'll be here....So i gotta go clean my study room.....Did i mention i had a pillow fight ceremony with my siblings there a little while ago......Naah....I don't think so..........
So "main chali kaam par."

"Life's strange ,but trust me ..................it's beautiful..............it's worth living......It only depends for whom you are living.....The world ......or for yourself..........Try to join the latter category as soon as possible ,because the sooner you are there ,the better it is for you.................................

Oye !!!!!!! My sir's here....And my study room is still a mess....!!!Gosh.....!!!!!.........life isn't all that good...............shahhhhhh......ok ok....life's good.....i was just kidding.....
Now i think i should clear out and make some space for my sir so that he can enter the room, else ................. "yeah i am coming!"...............he's here already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!arey i gotta go............!

tata

angry...

2006-05-09T13:52:00.000+05:30

yeah i am REAL angry....what to say...i wrote a long post on my state .... and it vanished in thin air....why? please don't ask me that .... i am too tensed to write about it...just beware of the next crappy post that'll be coming up soon...and yes wish me luck....i've got a music exam to give tomorrow.....

if i continue this post ,it will be a dreadful experience for both me and you....so i prefer to keep my mouth shut and give my fingers a break....I will be back soon....BEWARE!

at times......

2006-04-20T12:03:00.000+05:30

read through slowly and attentively....

At times......
one desires to have all comforts of life,
move on,enjoy,and take pleasures of being alive,
fulfill every tiny need one can possibly have,
and then think of things one may need to survive!

At times.......
our heart gives emotional support to those who seek,
without wasting any thoughts and in a way much meek,
without thinking of one's ownself who's very much in need,
only to get what one never believes,
-betrayals and hardships...isn't it quite so freak?

At times.......
our soul looks for another mate,
to share thoughts,lives,emotions and fate,
to feel the love and the magic it creates,
but before knowing the depth, for one can't wait,
i wonder why lovers get into a much paid debate,
to get into controversies resulting in hate,
to break off and later repent on this realisation only when it's too late!

At times.......
one gets to know the meaning of a family,
one who stands by him when he's in need,so very patiently,
but it's only after he understands from his mistakes so pathetically,
that he gives up his faulty friends after being struck quite harshly,
and takes his steps back towards his home yet so idiotically,
thinking about times when he wasn't there when needed most by his family.

At times........
one gets into the mood to analyse and understand,
ones ownself-it's quite so rare because the pain he can't stand,
to look at ones flaws,mistakes,problems-all hand in a hand,
makes him choke with apprehension, that's quite like a suffocating band,
it's all because of the expectations one has with one's ownself and,
the realisation that he has failed and isn't all that grand.

At times........
one fails to prefigure,
what one ultimately seeks from life and where he belongs,
and falls into a darkness that can not be cured,
only to come to a conclusion-gods ways are mysterious just like nature's song,
till the time the great enlightment to us is dawned,
"life's meant to be enjoyed just like any song,
for once we've take birth and lived a complete life,death's not away for long."

......... composed by priya dubey{me}.

rock solid heavy...yeah...i know....it turned out to be more philosophical than i thought..... sorry for this ... couldn't do any better right now....

in touch with me

2006-04-10T15:34:00.000+05:30

night .......3:15a.m.

Though tired, i was unable to go to sleep.Had a tough day.Just got up from my bed and went out to my balcony.Cool breeze was blowing - gently and softly.........The very much alive yet inanimate leaves of the trees started swaying softly along with the breeze.I laid down on the couch in my balcony and gazed into the endless, limitless gaze of the sky........"lights were all out , doors were all shut," but the light from lamp post closeby lightened the surroundings to the power of making things visible.Soft music of 'spanish eyes'- backstreet boys,one of my favourites was playing on my music system in the background......

Countless stars appeared like broken pearls scattered on a black silken drape..the sky.I made out the constellations-Orion the hunter being towards my right.The constellation of 'Scorpion' was no where to be seen on the horizon.The big Coconut leaves in my garden hid the coming light every now and then due to it's movement...leaving me in darkness and light every now and then.The breeze was just so splendid and so much life giving!........ The beautiful flowers in my balcony... - all seemed to be enjoying the dark beauty of nature-seemed engrossed in learning the meaning which nature was teaching them...The breeze now cooler than before increased it's intensity,rushing past me, through me.A while later it went through my open hair with a surge. I let the wind play with my hair....It seemed most right and so very comfortable- as if i was there and nature herself was healing me.

Everything was perfect...................................................... --the twinkling stars,a beautiful natural surrounding,dim light,soft music,cool breeze expressing it's passion-whoa.......so very romantic!..Almost like a fantasy!Even the darkness of nature reflected an unknown blissful beauty,a passionate appeal to heal,love and tender care-a glimpse of natural paradise ,a glimpse of paradise..........................................
Who said Romeo was the greatest lover..it's nature that deserves this honour,teaching us the true meaning of love ,it's truth.Nature's passion is infectious.It set alight fire to all my passions which were almost lost admist my wasteful thoughts,my anxiety.The environvment was so magnetic.I couldn't gather my determination to leave .Goodbyes are difficult times..be it to say to ur loved ones,frnzs,lover .Nature isn't any different...or it is?But i was so relaxed thereafter that i needed nothing else but the comfort of my bed to go into a relaxing sleep.Dragging my feet i left towards my room.The scenario healed me off the anxiety,boredom,fear,everything.I headed towards my room with that mesmerising feel in me! Words would fail to express that explicit beauty...as if it's beauty passed on to my face ....i felt it's freshness..it's beauty....i shut the music system,shut off the lights...switched on the night lamp.All i had to do was to throw myself on the bed....i shut my eyes but the beautiful scenary kept moving in the back of my mind along with a music.....something that puzzled me...My music system was switched off.....and no it wasn't the backstreet boys music....it was something else...not very audible to my ears but so very clear to my conscience.I payed great stress to hear the song with my eyes shut,but my body almost broken with fatigue...not just physically but mentally too...i couldn't get it.I wasn't ready to give way to the sudden relief i had got,so i didn't open my eyes with the fear that the dream like time might end if i open my eyes bringing all the lost anxiety back.Kept a check on the song though and then realised it wasn't a song...but a music.A soul-quenching music...a soothing music....nature's music!
The most divine and abstract form of music.It gave the finishing touch to the definition of nature's beauty by adding that sublime abstractness to the surroundings.With my closed eyes i visualised the aura of nature,heard and felt it's music,absorbed it's meaning,smelt in the divine serenity of nature's calm beauty,breathed in the freshness and before i could know,i felt asleep....when i don't know...but i fell into a blissful sleep.................

namaskar

2006-04-04T21:13:00.000+05:30

Hey.....so the whole of the "boards thing "is over and the boredom of the post-boards period is at the peak. But before i proceed ,i express my sincere gratitude to all those who were concerned about me before and during my exams...............................Thank you.

For the curious minds , my exams went just like Ganguly's batting .I never got to understand the situation untill it was completely over...when i could do nothing about the matter.I was left completely bizarre about the situation.But i 've had enough repentence already and so i wouldn't like giving it more thoughts.Not for the time being at least!!!So that gives me enough time to do everything a person would like to do while getting bored .....that is being bored.!!!!!!.

Ehhhh...i sucked myself watching movies....tried understanding why Dino{my neighbours dog }climbs on the terrace in a fashion as if it's going to fall from over the wall whenever my neighbour calls it in the sweetest "diinooooo" fashion,also used my analytical mind to analise why the heck does one particular bald man in the market place keeps watching the mirror all day long,forced myself to watch all those Ekta Kapoor serials to know what's the "andar ki baat" of her dumb dumber and dumbest serials that keeps her audience completely enthralled , and god knows what not!!!They say that "an empty mind is a devils workshop."......ahemmmm....Well what should i say....!!!!Know a days under the prevalent circumstances ,im literally praying to the devil to come visit my mind.It isn't that bad a place afterall.!!!

The worst part is attending all those calls from my long lost relatives who've been so "doooor ke rishtedars" that a distance of a few light years has turned out to be closer in comparision to our "doori." It's the most irritationg part...of all the boredom.

One thing's crystal clear though.Things have changed ,circumstances have changed ,my life has changed ,and so have i.
At times it's the journey that is more knowledge-enriching than the actual goal.
I believe the case of all we 'tenthers' wasn't different.Twelve days before the exams i got the enlightment that the coming exams held far more significance and hence the importance.Stupid of me...right? I know...this realisation and the whole lot of the 22 days full of exhaustion....whofff!!!! They were terrible.Yes they were.The fall in health,the tremendous stress,the hatred with ones' ownself,the exhaustion,the fear ,the anger,the rememberance of all the times wasted......all in flashbacks.... so very painful.Not just for me but for all...all of us.Probably that's how life goes...we learn from the big mistakes we make.It would be like i've gone insane ,but truly it's one of those times im gonna remember all my life....definitely not as one of the good times..that would be the poorest joke of the year but as one big lesson.Blah...if i go on i'll end up making this post far more intolerable which i don't really intend to do.
the nightmare is over now and so is the post.I m extremely sorry for this crap but i was kinda stuck up with the thought .[neha hope u r happy now that i finally started blogging!!!]

So that's what i've got for now.I most intensely wish to be back with a better mood and post.Till then namaskar....